


What's Been Going on in that Brain of Yours?

by zoeleigh



Series: What Help Can I Give? [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Reader-Insert, Self-Harm, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 20:36:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8938198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeleigh/pseuds/zoeleigh
Summary: Reader-insert is having a bad night when Tyler and Josh come in to help.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To The Rescue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787139) by [annachibi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/annachibi/pseuds/annachibi). 



> TRIGGER WARNING  
> As mentioned in the tags, there is self-harm in this. I wrote this to help you some, but you might find this doing quite the opposite. So if you're easily triggered by somewhat descriptive self-harm then please stay safe and don't read this.

The thoughts are back again. You don’t know why and you don’t know what to do. It’s been 3 weeks since you’ve done anything, it’s the longest you’ve ever gone without since you started. Everyone that you’ve told has been so proud and has never stopped encouraging you. But tonight, well, tonight seems different. On the one hand, you could just give in. Throw your last few weeks of hard work and alternatives down the metaphorical drain. And on the other hand, you can call someone to come to you, you know they would. Or maybe you could just curl up into a ball on your bed and cry. But it seems so easy tonight to just give in, like it’s nothing. Not a setback, not a problem, just a natural, and most definitely, healthy thing to do. You know that you listened to the voice in you head and hid a blade underneath the mattress you are sitting on now when your next door neighbors -who you still can’t figure out the relationship status of… dating or just friends?- came in one day and took practically everything harmful they could find from your possession. 

 

Of course you’re very thankful to have such great friends as Tyler and Josh, and you know they’d both come running down the hall if you called them right now at 2 in the morning. But something is stopping you. The voice in your head keeps nagging at you to go. Right now. Get the blade. And do as much damage as you can. The voice in your head that you still can’t figure out the origin of. Is it your thoughts or is it just an extension of your disorder? 

 

You keep to the corner of your bed for the longest time, shaking and letting tears fall from corners to douse your fluffy blanket which is wrapped loosely, but snuggly, around you to give you a cocoon. Your bedroom wall is shared with Tyler’s room in the apartment next to you. But for the time being that thought flies out of your mind as you bang your head against the wall in a desperate attempt to get the thoughts to stop running rampant in your head. It doesn’t take long of that before you give in to everything your mind seems to be screaming at you. You grab the pouch you keep it in and walk as quickly as you can in your state to the bathroom that’s the next room over. 

 

_2:23 a.m.- one new text message from Tyler the Hoe(sph): hey…what’s going on in that room of yours? not being a hoe like me are you ;)_

 

Once you’re in there you pull out your so called tools, a blade and some bandaids, and lay them out on the marble countertop of your bathroom. You practically toss the blade around in your fingers, taking the time to contemplate where it is you want the cool metal to nip at your skin while being careful not to slice the delicate skin on your finger tips. Since it’s winter and you can hide under long sleeved masks, you decide upon your non-dominant forearm. You pull back the hoodie sleeve resting on your arm and look down at all the slowly fading scars lining your skin. If it wasn’t for what you were about to do, then you might actually be proud.

 

_2:27 a.m.- one new message from Tyler the Hoe(sph): is everything okay?_

_2:29 a.m.- one new message from Tyler the Hoe(sph): if you don’t answer in the next minute me and josh are coming over there._

 

The cuts don’t feel like much when the blade dips into your skin but given a minute, each mark hurts like hell before slowly dying out into a barely there kind of buzz. You decide to take off your hoodie so that way you don’t have to keep pulling up your sleeve. You lay the hoodie down beside you on the cold ground and take your phone from the pocket and set it on the toilet lid in front of you. The t-shirt you have on underneath is a solid navy blue except for the pretty lettering on the front that reads your favorite quote. Quickly, you glance at the time on your phone while still choosing to ignore the messages from Ty. He’s gonna come no matter what, so why take the time to reply? They’re both gonna come in here. They’re both gonna see how much you’ve fucked up. They’re gonna see that you’ve relapsed. The tears start raining down your face once more as you start to panic. 

 

You’re such a fuck up.

 

Everyone hates you.

 

Especially now, they’ll have to watch you again. They’ll have to take time out of their day to deal with a self-destructive little bitch who can’t seem to do anything right.

 

You’re getting worse and worse and everyone thought you were getting better.

 

They’ll all be disappointed in you. Even though they don’t care. They’ll all at least fake it.

 

Everyone hates you.

 

Tears keep streaming down as you have the blade poised to make another shallow slice into your already red arm when you hear the small pitter patter of two sets of feet down the hall, coming towards you. You’re sure they hear your sobs already and probably your heavy breathing too. You don’t let up on the blade though. It stays sitting right above your skin, waiting to press down. It stays hovering even as a worried Tyler and Josh gently burst into your bathroom. There’s a split second when no one moves, no one does anything. But then everything snaps back into action.

 

You almost cut again -this time it would have been deeper- lost in your own hysterics but Tyler crashes down beside you and plucks the small metal blade, which is now warm from being in your hands, out of your grip and hands it to Josh. You don’t see what Josh does with it but you’re sure you won’t get it back. Josh then in turn hands Tyler the first aid kit you keep in your kitchen to clean up your lightly shredded arm. 

 

“Hey-“

 

You cut Tyler off with a sob. You collapse into him and he wraps his arms around you, whispering calming sounds into your ear.

 

“Hey, look at me.”

 

He pushes you up off of his chest. At first, you let your gaze sit on your hands but then he gently picks up your chin and you look him in the eyes. Tyler doesn’t say anything, but motions to Josh who walks out of the doorway. 

 

“I’m gonna take care of your arm now. Okay?”

 

You nod your head, sticking out your injured arm as you do so, and let your eyes close as you drift off letting the numbness take you. The thoughts have gone away, for now. But they’ve been replaced with the absence of any, something you despise more than almost anything else. You feel the cold wet from an antiseptic wipe and wince a little from the stinging. Tyler continues to go about bandaging your arm in silence with a concerned look plastered on his face. It doesn’t take long for him to finish the process and then he pulls you to your feet. 

 

“Let’s go find Josh.”

 

You let Tyler drag you around throughout your house looking for Josh before eventually finding him in your bedroom going through your stuff presumably looking for anything you could use to hurt yourself. Tyler sets you down on top of your bed and Josh comes over and hugs you just right, the way he always does when you seem especially frail. 

 

“Hey you,” Josh’s voice is light, almost playful, “What’s been going on in that brain of yours?”

 

You explain to the two of them that you don’t know. You don’t know what’s wrong or what happened or anything. All you know is that tonight is not a very good night. Tyler tells you that that’s all you need to know. You disagree. And after a bit of silence, Josh asks if you want to move to a different room or just stay here. You don’t want to move, and voice your opinion so. They both nod and ask if you want to talk about something or listen or just lay there. You mumble listen and Tyler and Josh begin to babble on about their day together and how their album is coming along and anything else they can think of. 

 

Soon, your eyes become a burden to hold up and each blink takes an increasingly longer amount of time than the last. You feel Josh get up off the bed and hear his footsteps as he walks over to the closet across the room. Tyler pulls the covers down for you in Josh’s short absence. When Josh returns to the bed he has an extra blanket that your mom got you last Christmas and your stuffed animal you used to cuddle when you were younger and scared of storms. The pair work together to get you swaddled in warmth then start to take to the floor to watch over you tonight. Josh lays out a sleeping bag from inside your closet while Tyler walks out of the room. When Tyler returns he has his ukulele in hand and he asks you if you’d like some music. Of course, you respond with yes, it’s quiet but nonetheless. 

 

Before long, you drift off to sleep with the soothing noise made by Tyler’s voice and ukulele and Josh’s soft tapping on your hardwood floor. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fellow fanfic addicts and other friends, I hope you've enjoyed this. I've worked kind of hard ish on this so feedback is most appreciated. 
> 
> I am taking suggestions/requests for other types of reader-inserts... my plan is to make a series on here full of reader-insert fics for all types of situations. So if you have any situation or fandom/character suggestions/requests be sure to comment them! 
> 
> Also, none of my fics will be beta'd (because I'm lazy af and yeah) so please, point out any mistakes you see so I can correct them. I do read over the work multiple times before publication but it's easy to miss something when it's your own work.


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